Life has a funny way of working itself out. It's truly unexplainable, and sometimes there is no answer.
But there is one feeling I want to talk about today specifically. Being. So. Close. But just not there ..yet.
It's not all good, but it's really not all that bad either. You're not driving yourself crazy trying to figure out every last questionable detail. You know it's going to be alright. You truly can't complain. Contentment finally starts to hit you regularly, and you feel lighter. You finally have those days where you want to dance around again. You start taking better care of yourself. Long story short, you can finally sleep soundly at night.
Your focus is better than ever, and you feel like you are on FIRE and it's only then; that unshakable memory sinks your heart, and rather abruptly reminds you that perhaps, you aren't fire, but like.. a lukewarm chamomile tea that is meant to be sipped back in bed, party of you.
Maybe it's not even a memory, maybe it's just when you believed things were going up, reality presents another challenge and obstacle and reminds you it's time to respond. But I promise you, that bed is nice and that lukewarm tea is soothing, But it's no place to stay. Back last year, when I battled with crippling anxiety and depression, crawling into bed was my safe zone. It soothed me and made me feel at home. And I would be lying if I said that the urge to completely collapse still doesn't hit me especially when these out of control moments hit.
What I've realized is that It's so comfortable to fall apart, and it's UNCOMFORTABLE to be strong.
And maybe falling apart isn't what makes you comfortable, maybe it's holding it in. Or pretending it's not there. I know, lukewarm tea isn't for everyone. Maybe you like red bull! But full disclosure; it doesn't give you wings.
But what I do know is that facing the things we are afraid of doesn't come naturally. It's about realizing what comes naturally for us to do, allowing ourselves to be cut wide open with vulnerability and face it.
and In these moments, how often do we remind ourselves how CLOSE we are?
To not throw the towel in.
To continue to challenge yourself.
to feel it coming.
to KNOW it's coming.
Be vulnerable with yourself. Face it. and Keep on going.
you are 5 seconds away from a miracle.